ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
