theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
