i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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