First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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