If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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