So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
