Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
