dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
