I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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