just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
