Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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