party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
