I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
