just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
