dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
