she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
