then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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