This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
