I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
