i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
