My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
