that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
