She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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