why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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