The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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