my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
