so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize