I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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