what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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