I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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