The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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