I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
