I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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