Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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