I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
