So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
