I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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