I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize