just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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