she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
