Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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