Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
