And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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