We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
