Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
