i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
