Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
