the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I checked into jail on foursquare
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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