Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
