Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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