my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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