Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
