You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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