Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
