In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize