oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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