Pants 0. Shit 1.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
