Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
