She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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