Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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