someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
