so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
