My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
