But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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