I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
