Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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