Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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