It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
