...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
