I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
