a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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